I have been a member of my church for many years and worked in about every position the church has. I have faithfully served, attending and given generously to support God's work. I was called to be a missionary and have been on deputation trying to raise support. Many in the church told me they wanted me to be supported by the church at a $100 per month. The church supports its other missionaries (none are out of our church) at $50.00 per month. However, when they voted the pastor lead them to give us $50.00 the same as all the other missionaries. We are grateful, but thought our home church would show their love and support by helping us at a higher amount than the other missionaries. My wife and I are feeling very hurt because we thought that all our years of sacrificial service and giving to the church would be appreciated. Yet, we found out we are just like missionaries who were only at the church for a few hours and never did anything for the church.
Please help me with my resentment and deep hurt. I just cannot seem to shake it off. I think about those who I thought were my close friends, whom I helped over and over again and cannot understand why they are so calloused about us and why they would not want to help us and show their love.
Answer: I personally have experienced the same thing several times in the 30 years of ministry. My wife and I gave sacrificially to our churches...that means that what we gave costs us a great deal. In other words we did without in order to give to the Lord's work and help the church. I think they thought we were rich...but the Lord knows. Over a period of twenty some years we worked really hard and saw the Lord establish three churches. My wife and I worked day and night and rarely had any time off. The worked needed us and we loved to serve the Lord...which means to serve His flock. As a church planter when the church was sound (6 to 8 years of work) I followed the Lord's leading and resigned and the church called a permanent pastor. Yet, only one of these churches took us on as their missionaries to help us continue our church planting ministry for the Lord.
The first church I pastored was in Windsor, VA. When they called me they told me the amount of month income I would receive. It was not a lot, but we were grateful and figured that if we really tightened our belts we could get by. They required I send our son to an expensive Christian school and I had to borrow money to get him enrolled. When we arrived at the church only had $42.00. Two week after we begin our work my wife notice the amount of our check was less than they had told us. I asked our treasurer about it and he said after they voted to call me, they had another meeting and decided that because this was my first church they felt they should cut my support by a $1000.00. I was there about 19 months and when I left just to keep going we had borrowed money and was $200 per month in the red. Did it hurt....Oh yea, it hurt really bad to be treated so ugly. For a while it almost destroyed me. This was only one of several times things like this happened.
So, I said that to say I fully understand the hurt, disappointment in people and humility at being treated with no love or show of appreciation. Further it showed the church did not was not really interested in our further ministry or appreciated that other churches had supported us so that they could have a church. However, it directed my thoughts to the Lord's suffering, humiliation at the hands of the religious Jews. He was totally forsaken by His disciple whom He had been with for three years. He was God, the Messiah, and our Savior come to suffer, sacrifice Himself and die for the sins of man. Yet, calloused and evil men sent Him to the cross and while hanging there....railed on and mocked Him.
What to do. Do not let bitterness get in your heart. Confess it to the Lord, accept the situation, be thankful they are helping at all and concentrate who what the Lord has for you to do. Also consider that you are experiencing exactly what Paul did. He traveled and gave his whole life in serving the Lord and establishing churches. Many of the churches and individuals he was responsible in leading to the Lord turned on him. Many thought they were better than he was and criticized him. You can feel his hurt and disappointment when he said "Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only." (Philippians 4:15) None of the churches he established in Asia helped him.
Individuals also hurt him deeply. "For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica. . ." (2 Timothy 4:10) They criticized him with a passion to the point in 2 Corinthians 111:1f the Lord lead him to defend himself to them. It did not work though, but left us a record of his suffering.
The Lord inspired Paul to write twice (See 1 Tim. 1:20) of his betrayal by Alexander, "Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words. At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (2 Timothy 4:14-18)
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The key to is in verse 17, "...Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me..."
The key to overcoming bitterness is to be thankful for what the Lord has given you. Further, these trials come in our lives to strengthen us and firm up our faith in the Lord."
Three verses have been my comfort and the Lord's words have kept me from getting bitter and losing my ministry:
1. Sacrifice is normal, do not get side tracked by the world and do God's will: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:1-2)
2. If we give the Lord our hearts and seek His will committing our way to Him....then He provides for us. I have found that always to be true: "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." (Psalms 37:4-5)
3. Trials are normal, yet necessary for us to grow spiritually. Only what we do filled with God's Spirit, done in His strength bears eternal reward. Thus, what looks life a failure today....yields eternal reward: "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." (James 1:2-5)
I hope this helps some. "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God." (Romans 8:18-19)