1. Being abusive to one’s spouse is a sin and sin unchecked will in intensify. That means the situation will most likely grow worse, unless the abusive spouse admits their problem, asks for God’s forgiveness and strength to overcome their sin.(1 John 1:8-10) That means admitting their problem and seeking to overcome it. If the abusive and violent spouse will not seek God’s help and show positive actions that they are making an honest and heart felt steps to resolve their problem the abused spouse must consider that he/she is in probably danger which could even be life threatening.

           2. An abused spouse is not biblically obligated to continue to live in an abusive and dangerous relationship. 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 deals with husband and wife relations. Verse 15, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) In principle this passage is saying that a spouse is not obligated in certain situations to remain in a broken marriage. The verse does not state what circumstances would cause the "unbelieving to depart.” I believe the reason may be that God did not want to restrict this principle to one situation only, but to give a general principle for separation. No where in God’s word does He instruct a person to stay in an abusive situation that involves violence and danger of serious physical harm. Spouses involved in domestic violence need to be protected, which may involve moving to temporarily safe place out of harm’s way. Domestic violence is a crime which carries strong penalties. It may be necessary to call the police in order to protect oneself from physical harm.

           3. Abusive spouses can change with God’s help. The abused spouse should try as best as they can to help their partner to overcome their problem. Certainly, they should not fuel the situation by returning verbal or physical abuse. The abused spouse can show their care and love for their partner by sending a strong message that they will not tolerate abusive behavior and that there will be definite consequences if the behavior continues. One way to make this clear is to pick a time the spouse is calm and not emotional and sit down and explain that you will not continue to allow the matter to go on unchecked. The abused spouse should express their love and desire to have a caring and uplifting marriage, but at the same time remain firm in stating their commitment to stopping the abuse and violence. In a true sense that is an act of loving discipline. God’s word is clear that even in children bad behavior needs to be addressed and consequences established as part of effecting discipline.

           4. Biblical counseling is important in dealing with the matter. No one wants to involve others in their domestic problems, but where there is abuse and violence it is most always necessary. Not often with the abuser accept counseling from the person they are abusing. Bringing in a counselor is a third party that could help the abuse realize the seriousness of their behavior. A Bible believing counselor could objectively analyze the situation and give biblical advice. Further he could advise when separation is necessary and when it would be appropriate for the to end the separation.

           RBC Ministries has an article titled “What is a godly response to domestic abuse for an abused wife?” at http://www.rbc.org/questionsDetail.aspx?id=45794&Topic=598 .

           I would advise you to seek counseling from your pastor. If that is an embarrassment to you find another Bible believing pastor who would help you, or seek a Christian counselor that will base their advise on the principles of God’s word.

           Please understand that domestic abuse that becomes violent is a serious matter and you needs more than an short e-mail answer. It is unlikely that the problem will go away. What I have tried to do is point you in the right direction. Please realize that you need more help than I can give in an e-mail. I prayed for you this morning. If you have further questions please write.